Name

His name was Ryan. I inadvertently found out today whilst visiting HR for my boss. The officer was having a coffee and chat with a young temp in the corner, oblivious to me waiting at Reception, and conveniently distracted. With my sharp eyesight I scanned his computer screen, and there it was, all his details for me to see and absorb. “What fantastically good luck, it must be fate,” I thought. “Ryan O’Neill; New Starter 16.12.2019; Address…” So he lived only a few miles away from me on the new housing estate. Interesting. I noted everything down mentally. Ten years older than me. Perfect. Shame there were no family or personal details. He didn’t wear a ring, but that meant nothing these days.

The officer came over. He instantly noticed he had forgotten to set the screensaver and panicked for a second. “Can I help you?” “No, its fine. I will call back later, I forgot something,” I lied. I had other things on my mind. I left with a triumphant smile: I now knew the name of my intended target.

The Five Senses

SCENT

I can’t stop smelling him. He has a particular smell I just can’t put my finger on… It is driving me crazy! I wriggle on my seat, wearing the smile of normality like a tight mask. He can’t ever know; he will think I am crazy. Look normal Lucy! But still the waves come over me, wrapping around my head and making me feel queasy, my body quivering slightly but imperceptibly to everyone else in the room, apart from me. And him, the gorgeous one I have had my eye on for a while. He looks at me slightly puzzled. Oh no, has he noticed? This makes it worse as I flush bright red and quickly get up from the table, making my excuses to leave the meeting. “Sorry, I really don’t feel well.” They look at me and nod slightly. I run out of the door, taking another large sniff of his scent before I leave. Like a drug addict, taking a final hit to keep me going, until my next fix. I didn’t know what smell was before I became a wolf. This was a hundred times more powerful. The wolf gift I didn’t ask for, but gratefully received. A whole story lay in that smell as it evoked a myriad of emotions. A storm was coming. I could feel it in my belly.

TASTE

Food was no longer just food anymore. Everything was there to be tasted, licked, slurped up greedily and enjoyed. Savoured for the different flavours and desire it ignited in me for more. I became insatiable, eating noisily and greedily. I enjoyed all foods, as if it were for the first time. When I devoured a jar of pickles, the first thing mum said was of course: “Lucy, what the heck! Are you pregnant?” I snorted at her. I wish I was, it would be easier to explain. At work I licked a yoghurt out slowly and delicately, working my tongue all-round the rim, only to look up and see four pairs of eyes looking at me in incredulous wonder. I laughed. “Damn, that was good,” I chuckled at them. Problem was, I am getting called a weirdo now. People were beginning to notice I was acting differently. I was in danger of exposing myself and needed to be more careful.

SOUND

Whistles are the worst! I hear them all the time. Why are people always f*cking whistling? It must drive their dogs mad. I wear headphones constantly to drown out the noise. It is everywhere around me, all the time, like static you used to get on old TVs. Sometimes a low background buzz, and other times voices from far away appearing as if close by and making me jump. It is enough to make you howl. This is all going to take a lot of getting used to. Who knew being a wolf (when previously a human) would be so difficult! It must be easy for wolves born as wolves. I am an abomination. Neither one thing nor another. Somewhere in between, half human and half wolf. Sometimes all wolf, but never wholly human again.

TOUCH

The problem with heightened senses is that EVERYTHING feels super sensitive. Like I am lubed up constantly, slipping up against things and clinging onto objects as if I were drowning. It is too much! I try wearing multiple jumpers but then I get so hot I almost faint. I wear gloves to stop my fingertips accidently brushing against textures or silky-smooth skin. It arouses way too many feelings in me, so has to be avoided at all costs. So I turn into a freaky fashionista, wearing strange clothes to make as many physical barriers as I can. This is torture! No-one warns you about all this when you become a wolf. I thought I would grow a tail (not yet- I check daily) and no furry patches either (last time I checked in the shower). But I have changed nonetheless. I feel everything now differently, intensely. The tiniest groove feels like a huge scar. Hot things burn me, and I can no longer have ice in any of my drinks. I spit it out like poison. It is way too much, this sensory overload. You would think it would be pleasure, but it is a pain. “Keep the hell away from me,” I growl at people coming in for a hug. I will tear them apart if they touch me, idiots. Don’t they know I am a wolf? Can’t they see it? I am a wild creature now for god’s sake. Leave me the f*ck alone humans.

SIGHT

Luckily, my sight was good before I changed, but now it is truly excellent, which is good news as I seem to spend a lot of my time lurking in shadows these days. I can see things clearly in the darkness and even the slightest movement in the edge of my vision alerts me and I am triggered to hunt it out. Nothing escapes my attention. I need to know what is out there. I sniff it out before I see it. Then I go for it. During the day I see things in bright technicolour rainbow colours, so I wear my designer shades and get called a pretentious twat behind my back at work. They think I can’t hear them, but of course I can! Don’t worry, I will get my revenge on those bitches. I am a wolf now, so technically I am the top bitch. Don’t mess with me….

New Year's Eve

‘The Tight Spot’ was our usual hunting ground, but tonight I expressed a desire to go somewhere different. My heart was racing and I was feeling edgy, as I paced my bedroom getting ready for a night out with Carol. Should I wear this, dare I? I had bought myself a skin-tight black PVC dress, that showed off every curve. Was it too much? No, I convinced myself. The wolf wanted to play tonight.

I picked her up in the Uber and when she opened the door, dressed in a silver sparkly top and hotpants, she blew out a long, slow whistle. “Wow, holy shit!” “Is that good or bad shit,” I smiled at her from the back seat, beckoning her in. “You look f*cking amazing Lucy, what the…” This was good, I was beginning to change on the outside too. People were finally going to notice me for the first time, and they had better watch out. The driver set off again. “Are you sure we should be going to ‘Midnite X’?” She was worried as someone had told her the BDSM folk hung out there. “I have done my homework, and they have a sick DJ there tonight with thumping beats. Better than f*cking Mariah over and over again.” “Yeah, that’s true. I just feel underdressed somehow, especially seeing as you have a goth vibe going on these days!” She was right, I had heavy eyeliner and smoky eyeshadow on- a totally dark princess on the eve of a new year.

We heard the music blasting out as soon as we got out of the car. Dark ravey EDM tunes, and a heavy booming bass that made my heart purr. We entered amongst a throng of people, squeezing past the tight corridor and entering the main bar and stage. It was already packed with bodies throbbing and grinding together, moving as one humanoid mass of raw sensuality. ‘Bite me hard’ was the track that was playing. How apt. I wish I could. I smiled as I moved to the music, as did Carol, losing ourselves to the thumping beat. I shook my hair and punched the air, looking like some sort of wild creature. How fantastic to lose yourself in the music. More tracks, more beats. We hadn’t even had a drink yet. This was better than booze, better than sex. The air smelt of hot latex and pheromones.

Spinning round and round and feeling hot and slick now myself with salty sweat, I suddenly realised a guy behind me had decided to put his hand on my bum. He placed it there as if he could, as if he had the right to. I turned round to face him but still he held on. “Take your f*cking hand off my arse,” I growled. He was drunk and gazed at me stupidly, as if he couldn’t comprehend. With lightning speed I struck him full in the face and tore my nails down his cheek, releasing a trail of hot spurting blood that dripped down his face. He opened his mouth in shock and stood slightly swaying. No-one else seemed to notice, apart from Carol. “Lucy, what the hell!” She dragged me away. I laughed at the man who was still stood there on the dancefloor with everyone else dancing around him unaware. “Are you mad, you could get arrested for that?” I could tell she was really worried. “He deserved it. Don’t worry Carol! No-one noticed, they’re all having too much of a good time.” Her face was still creased with concern as she stared at me. “God, you really have changed since I’ve been away.” “Yes, I woke up. And I’ll tell you something, next year is gonna be different. Better than this shit year.” The irony was none of us knew a pandemic would hit our shores within only a matter of months. But I had my own agenda and change had already begun. No-one would hurt me ever again, or I would rip them apart.