The Five Senses

SCENT

I can’t stop smelling him. He has a particular smell I just can’t put my finger on… It is driving me crazy! I wriggle on my seat, wearing the smile of normality like a tight mask. He can’t ever know; he will think I am crazy. Look normal Lucy! But still the waves come over me, wrapping around my head and making me feel queasy, my body quivering slightly but imperceptibly to everyone else in the room, apart from me. And him, the gorgeous one I have had my eye on for a while. He looks at me slightly puzzled. Oh no, has he noticed? This makes it worse as I flush bright red and quickly get up from the table, making my excuses to leave the meeting. “Sorry, I really don’t feel well.” They look at me and nod slightly. I run out of the door, taking another large sniff of his scent before I leave. Like a drug addict, taking a final hit to keep me going, until my next fix. I didn’t know what smell was before I became a wolf. This was a hundred times more powerful. The wolf gift I didn’t ask for, but gratefully received. A whole story lay in that smell as it evoked a myriad of emotions. A storm was coming. I could feel it in my belly.

TASTE

Food was no longer just food anymore. Everything was there to be tasted, licked, slurped up greedily and enjoyed. Savoured for the different flavours and desire it ignited in me for more. I became insatiable, eating noisily and greedily. I enjoyed all foods, as if it were for the first time. When I devoured a jar of pickles, the first thing mum said was of course: “Lucy, what the heck! Are you pregnant?” I snorted at her. I wish I was, it would be easier to explain. At work I licked a yoghurt out slowly and delicately, working my tongue all-round the rim, only to look up and see four pairs of eyes looking at me in incredulous wonder. I laughed. “Damn, that was good,” I chuckled at them. Problem was, I am getting called a weirdo now. People were beginning to notice I was acting differently. I was in danger of exposing myself and needed to be more careful.

SOUND

Whistles are the worst! I hear them all the time. Why are people always f*cking whistling? It must drive their dogs mad. I wear headphones constantly to drown out the noise. It is everywhere around me, all the time, like static you used to get on old TVs. Sometimes a low background buzz, and other times voices from far away appearing as if close by and making me jump. It is enough to make you howl. This is all going to take a lot of getting used to. Who knew being a wolf (when previously a human) would be so difficult! It must be easy for wolves born as wolves. I am an abomination. Neither one thing nor another. Somewhere in between, half human and half wolf. Sometimes all wolf, but never wholly human again.

TOUCH

The problem with heightened senses is that EVERYTHING feels super sensitive. Like I am lubed up constantly, slipping up against things and clinging onto objects as if I were drowning. It is too much! I try wearing multiple jumpers but then I get so hot I almost faint. I wear gloves to stop my fingertips accidently brushing against textures or silky-smooth skin. It arouses way too many feelings in me, so has to be avoided at all costs. So I turn into a freaky fashionista, wearing strange clothes to make as many physical barriers as I can. This is torture! No-one warns you about all this when you become a wolf. I thought I would grow a tail (not yet- I check daily) and no furry patches either (last time I checked in the shower). But I have changed nonetheless. I feel everything now differently, intensely. The tiniest groove feels like a huge scar. Hot things burn me, and I can no longer have ice in any of my drinks. I spit it out like poison. It is way too much, this sensory overload. You would think it would be pleasure, but it is a pain. “Keep the hell away from me,” I growl at people coming in for a hug. I will tear them apart if they touch me, idiots. Don’t they know I am a wolf? Can’t they see it? I am a wild creature now for god’s sake. Leave me the f*ck alone humans.

SIGHT

Luckily, my sight was good before I changed, but now it is truly excellent, which is good news as I seem to spend a lot of my time lurking in shadows these days. I can see things clearly in the darkness and even the slightest movement in the edge of my vision alerts me and I am triggered to hunt it out. Nothing escapes my attention. I need to know what is out there. I sniff it out before I see it. Then I go for it. During the day I see things in bright technicolour rainbow colours, so I wear my designer shades and get called a pretentious twat behind my back at work. They think I can’t hear them, but of course I can! Don’t worry, I will get my revenge on those bitches. I am a wolf now, so technically I am the top bitch. Don’t mess with me….